white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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