We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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