Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
