i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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