I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That accounts for only three of the penises
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
