i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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