I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
