Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize