just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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