Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
