I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?