her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.