Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?