my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
