This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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