I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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