If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
