you will always have a special place in my vag
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
