I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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