He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
