Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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