My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
