You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
