I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone shit on the floor
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
