and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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