just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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