my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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