I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
