you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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