chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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