What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
