The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
