You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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