I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His hands were made for my vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
