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can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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