HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
