Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.

  (212): View more from New York

  i hate you

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  (813): i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you. (212): i hate you http://tfl.nu/mlwn
  Replies (20) Good night (4710) Bad night (1031)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

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  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (3638)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

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  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (11058) Bad night (961)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

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  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3730) Bad night (5568)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.

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  (972): 85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing. http://tfl.nu/910d
  Replies (13) Good night (835) Bad night (6277)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

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  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7387) Bad night (989)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

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  (708): what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit? http://tfl.nu/d2ae
  Replies (15) Good night (3144) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.

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  (+49): Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom. http://tfl.nu/2s5g
  Replies (6) Good night (2753) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?

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  (205): How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people? http://tfl.nu/uhl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2278) Bad night (519)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples

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  (401): Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples http://tfl.nu/s1gx
  Replies (2) Good night (1461) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Agreed.

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  (303): There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree? (1-303): Agreed. http://tfl.nu/l0rd
  Replies (7) Good night (1312) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.

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  (702): Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/accn
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??

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  (214): That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that?? http://tfl.nu/dflx
  Replies (9) Good night (253) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?

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  (305): He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire. (1-305): Are you fucking a guy or a condo building? http://tfl.nu/f6au
  Replies (4) Good night (1392) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one

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  (306): he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one http://tfl.nu/3jlh
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (259)

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