So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster