Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime