Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
