Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
