I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
