she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
