god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
