If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
