if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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