Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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