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He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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