Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
