My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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