Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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