I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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