He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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