somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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