I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
