How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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