I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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