He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
