I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
