allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
