He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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