watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
