I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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