So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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