with your own penis?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
