I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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