Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
